maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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