my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
