My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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