Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
