girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
