Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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