Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
