So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
