Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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