I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
