Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
