Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
