Kiss
Puke
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
