why didn't you poke me back
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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