i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
