took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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