my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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