he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
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