i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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