I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
