i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
