Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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