please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
