ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize