I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
