I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize