we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
