You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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