Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
