sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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