Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have tasted many bathrooms
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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