I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
