wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
