some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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