how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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