what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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