I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
