my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
