My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
