I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
