You're my little dorito
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
