I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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