are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
