you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
