my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
