We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
