I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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