went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
