Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
