I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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