Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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