How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
