talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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