I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
