Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
