How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize