I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
