For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
