Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize