First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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