It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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