Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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