im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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