he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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