We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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