I'm so fucking centered right now
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
