she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
True strength comes from lack of pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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