There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
