I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize